A year gone, another year ahead.

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Today I took a three hour nap. It wasn't intended to be such a long nap, and I felt so useless when I woke up and realized that it was dark outside.

For the first time in what feels like a long time, I had a day where I didn't do anything. Right when I got home from college, I was thrown straight into the pits of retail hell and had little time to do much else (but totally not complaining, I like making a good buck when I can). Even on my days off, I had another obligation that racked my mind. So naturally, today I had my own mental to-do list that I unrealistically thought I'd finish off, one check mark at a time.

And now that I think about it, it's kind of silly of me to think that I'd clean, read a novel, cook, and bake on a day that I deemed as a "lazy" day. I've been overworked and over-stressed all year, did I ever consider that I need a break? And a true break, because this is my winter vacation, after all. After a long day, whether from work or from school, I imagine myself doing all these things to "relax," when in reality what I actually do is just stare into my Macbook screen and then pass out from exhaustion. In my free time all I do is collect dust in front of my laptop, and it's a cycle that keeps on going.

So that three-hour nap might have been much needed. Maybe it was a sign that...I just have to chill out. Mentally and physically. And I suppose today is an apropos reflection of this year.

2011 was an incredibly tough, yet incredibly rewarding year. I've cried as many happy tears as I did sad ones. I faced many fears and my limits were tested. I've had to stay strong when some foundations in my life totally weren't. And despite some of the sadness, fear, and uncertainty, I've come out of this past year and a much stronger person. I'm not as weak as I thought I once was, and on a good day, I really feel like I can do anything. And that has never happened to me before.

I've traveled to beautiful places and experienced many wonders this year, but I don't think anything compares to my realization that...my family and friends really are everything. I used to be at the edge when it came to my family, but now more than ever I've grown closer to them and find comfort in their presence, no matter how seemingly annoying they are. Adversity has a funny way of bringing us together, even if the odds might seem to be against us infinitely.

After a year of college and being away from home, I've also realized who my real friends are back home. I had a feeling that I might not speak to my high school friends after graduating, but I think more than anything, absence has made us an even stronger group of friends. They are my go-to girls, and I wouldn't replace them for anything. I feel so honored to have such beautiful, hard-working, intelligent friends who keep me in check and make me realize that...life really isn't as bad as I can make it out to be. And I made friends with equally beautiful, hard-working, and intelligent girls in college too. It's amazingly humbling and wonderful to be surrounded my such great influences in school, because they make me strive to become a much better person.

I read my 2010 post from last year, and I must say that I really am a much different person than I was exactly a year ago. I'm not completely confident in myself, but really, who isn't? I've done so much in the past 12 months and learned such invaluable things that there was no way I could leave 2011 an unchanged person. Everything has affected me positively, even the bad. I definitely have a better sense of who I want to be and what I want to become. Perhaps I am a bit more fearless and more willing to just say "fuck it!" and just...take a chance. Sometimes I look like a fool in the end, but nothing beats a lessoned learned, right?

I don't think anyone needs to change only at the beginning of a new year. Why do you have to wait till January 1st to become something better? Can't you better yourself at any time in your life? But I like to use the beginnings and ends of years as checkpoints in my life. It gives me a chance to properly reflect and look back. Of course, I won't have any resolutions for 2012. Like every year, 2012 will be what I make of it. And I hate having too high of expectations, but my God, 2012 is going to be fucking great. I can just feel it. I have so much to look forward to, so much going for me and my family and friends. How can it be bad? From scoring an internship to studying in London, I have a lot to work for. And I am eternally grateful for that.

Cheers to all in the fabulous new year. Enjoy life because quite frankly, what else could you do with it?!